What I had
by tvdunlop
Summary: Gibbs one shot from "Light Sleeper." Holding her, I remember what I had and why I do what I do now.


Gibbs, baby scene from light sleeper

I don't usually do one shots. But NCIS has so many great scenes in there for potential. This is from the "Gibbs, baby scene from Light Sleeper." I've borrowed the dialogue for creative uses. I am making no money off this. Please let me know what you think. I've got a million other NCIS ideas. I'm hooked on it.

What I had

He was quite the sight standing there holding the baby at arms' length. I shook my head feeling the urge to laugh bubble up. McGee is young, single and clearly inexperienced with kids. Oh probie.

Crying baby sounds, that is not a happy baby.

"She just needs her bottle I know I packed it," the mother is fumbling in the bag.

"Look look look your mom's right there, she's right there," McGee is failing to calm her. Holding her at arms length, now that won't do.

"You ever hold a baby before McGee," I asked him.

"No," he admits, looking incredibly uneasy. Ha, I was right.

"I didn't think so" I beckoned to him, take my hat off, and he gratefully passed the baby over. As I calmed the little one I felt the memories flooding back and I forced myself to stay in the present. I cradle her to me and her head fits under my chin. I am taken back, far back. All those nights I rocked little Kelly to sleep, focus Gibbs. I knew McGee had to be sending me funny looks. I bounce her and rub her back, remembering those times that Kelly was sick, wanted to be held and loved. Such a little innocent beautiful soul, so innocent and taken from me so cruelly. It changed me forever. This little one was clearly upset, but she was just like Kelly. All you needed was the right touch, the right way to hold her and she would feel safe. I would protect every baby if possible, holding them in my arms. The dangerous and violent world we live in hurts them too, and I cannot ignore the natural instinct to calm and reassure. It is just part of the instincts that come once you've been a dad.

"Shusssh," I sooth her gently, turning to face the mother.

"Uh boss, this is Mrs. Dawson, she found the body along with the next door neighbors," McGee is collecting himself, he's probably in shock. I won't ever voluntarily tell them about my past.

She looks frazzled and upset, "we were going into Korea town shopping, and I'm the only one with a car. Sun asked me to come pick them up. If we'd been on time," she is having trouble opening the formula. Those damn packages, haven't changed much apparently, they're still a pain in the ass.

"Need some help?" I point to it offering my help. It's instinct really and I have a way with difficult baby things.

She nods gratefully.

"Here you go," she takes her daughter, holding her close. That's better, the way it should be, mom holding her daughter, but I miss her already. Shannon and I would share the duties, including diapers and formula. I am the master. I can talk about a crime scene and mix at the same time. Steady as she goes.

I take the bottle and formula, and then tear open the package, and open the bottle up.

Staying with the case now "any idea where Sun's husband is Mrs. Dawson?"

"No he's never here when we come over. I don't think he likes Sun having friends," she pauses. I can't see her face; however I bet I know what is next.

Methodically I unscrew the bottle top, pour in the formula, easy as one two three.

"Uh, what, what makes you think that," McGee stammers. Good question McGee, that's right, use your instincts and keep pushing her.

"He's very controlling," she responds. Yeah I figured that was next on the agenda. Controlling is code for...

I pour the water in up the top, and screw on the lid. Now if I remember correctly, you have to shake it for about fifteen to twenty seconds hard to make sure the powder is fully mixed in.

"St. Porter abused her?" I will kill that son of a bitch if I have to. It's that same protective urge I get in domestic abuse or child abuse cases. Defenseless women, how dare people hurt them?

"Sun wouldn't admit it, but we suspected. He drinks, says mean things to her, wouldn't let her speak Korean in the house. We tried to reason with her, but…"

It's always the way, they have trouble believing it is even happening "she wouldn't leave him?" I question her standing in front of her as I keep shaking the bottle, three more seconds.

"She was ashamed. It is hard for a Korean woman to ask for help," she answers. I give her the bottle.

Yeah I figured that, no one wants to ask for protection against the one they've sworn to love and cherish until death do us part.

Her husband suddenly arrives as I put a cloth over her shoulder, it's all second nature. I remember Shannon's gentle smile as I used to do that. I would hold them both close to me wanting to shelter them forever.

I watch Mrs. Dawson's husband as he holds and sooths her, just like I used to with my family. I miss that, I want them back in my arms. I couldn't protect them, maybe that's why now I want to catch all the scumbags and put them behind bars to protect others. Mostly I just miss having my princess, my little girl and my queen, the queen of my heart, in my arms. I've had bad marriages, but I loved all my wives. The problem is, none of them were or ever would have been Shannon. They're gone, but seeing scenes like this reminds me both of what I had and why I do what I do, to protect this for others.

It's time to get going, and find the bastard.


End file.
